I'm wrestling with my faith...

[man from mars]

I think this is a big part of my depression and anxiety at the moment. I have been well-rooted in a conservative Christian faith since shortly after my sobriety began (a year or two after). Back then I was relearning how to live, how to be grateful for the smallest things in life. As I grew towards Christianity, through the years it became more about Theology and less about Spirituality and in recent years I've started re-asking some of the questions I once had. In other words, I don't buy it all as a package any more—I'm uncertain and am more comfortable saying "I just don't know". But my family and the majority of my support system (my extended church family) would/do think I am either doomed to hell or am under the power of Satan.

I have also been having marital problems for years which I won't go into, but this issue is just another one that is causing distance and sadness for me in my life.

I just don't know who I am anymore—I do know that I'm not the person I thought I was or the person most people think I am.

[BPGUY]

I am Catholic, raised. I don't buy into the WHOLE package and I don't feel that I will pay for not doing so. You have to feel what you feel about it.

[man from mars]

Yeah, that's the thing. Apparently my "feelings" are not supposed to be focussed on in this faith—it's always God's Word. I've gotten lost in it and have buried my own feelings for years. It's almost like it became a drug that masked other issues.

I'm starting to snap out of it and where I once would have felt guilty for my change of thought I know feel that it's my right to believe what I believe.

[BPGUY]

I will get my wife on here to read this thread, see what she can say for you to take what ever from.
Find a faith that works for you then? Is that possible to for you to do? Seems to me one has to do what is right for them.

[Angie]

My only faith is to believe in myself and to do what I feel is best.

Be yourself and treat yourself and be happy with it.

I hope you find your way man from mars. :)

[BiPolar Bear]

I am Catholic, raised. I don't buy into the WHOLE package and I don't feel that I will pay for not doing so. You have to feel what you feel about it.

Same here, BPG. I parted ways with the Catholic Church 25+ years ago, but feeling guilty about pretty much everything for no particular reason never seems to go away. I'm working on it, though.

I think this is a big part of my depression and anxiety at the moment. I have been well-rooted in a conservative Christian faith since shortly after my sobriety began (a year or two after). Back then I was relearning how to live, how to be grateful for the smallest things in life. As I grew towards Christianity, through the years it became more about Theology and less about Spirituality and in recent years I've started re-asking some of the questions I once had. In other words, I don't buy it all as a package any more—I'm uncertain and am more comfortable saying "I just don't know". But my family and the majority of my support system (my extended church family) would/do think I am either doomed to hell or am under the power of Satan.

MFM, God gave us brains for a reason - to think, to wonder, to question. But conservatives by definition are invested in the status quo and will almost always resist change (never mind that today's status quo was yesterday's radical idea). Change can never happen if the status quo isn't questioned, and questioning the status quo requires critical thinking. Hence thinking is discouraged by the use of fear tactics...you'll burn in hell, the terrorists will attack us at home if we don't stay the course, etc. It's so ridiculous, but people buy into it all the time.

Faith is a wonderful thing when used benignly. But not when it's used to coerce, humiliate or intimidate. Then it becomes a weapon, and a cruel one at that. Rest assured, God isn't going to throw you in hell because you're using the brain that He gave you. We're people, not robots...although some people choose to act like robots and have their opinions handed to them by others.

If people have complete confidence in their faith, why should they fear questions? Perhaps they're not so confident after all and are in denial about their own questions? I don't know. All I know is that when I was in Catholic school, asking questions got me hauled up to the front of the classroom and spanked. Guess why I'm not Catholic anymore. :)


I just don't know who I am anymore—I do know that I'm not the person I thought I was or the person most people think I am.

Are you the same person you were when you were 5? 10? 20? 40? Of course not. Our perspective on life changes as we gather more life experience. This is not something to fear or to dread - it's natural and normal. Life is a constant exercise in self-discovery...to use a cliche, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

OK, enough pontificating for today. :D

[heathmatters]

Feelings are emotion that God gave to mankind, how could it be what you are feeling be related to Satan or whatsoever? You didn’t even have a bad intention in mind. In fact, I feel that you should go travel or something to see what is out there in the world, and when you see more that you haven’t, you will find something that you will live for. And most importantly, you have to change your mindset, if everything seems ugly to you, they are going to be very ugly even for the most beautiful events that happened in your life.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

[BPGUY]

mindset is everything, it helps to always think positive when even that may be hard to do. You can retrain your mind. It is hard for some, is for me, but it can be done.